Seasonal Affective Disorder: A Personal Story
Written by: Dr. Frannie Koe, MD
Edited by: Breanne Brazeale
The blog today is a little more personal. This past winter, I didn’t feel quite like myself for a few weeks. It is sometimes a challenge to realize what is going on and to figure out how to improve things! First, I did not want to get out of bed. I did not feel like doing things that normally make me happy, and I felt very irritable. This happens almost every year and some years seem a little worse. This is one of those years. What is one likely cause of this unsettled feeling? SAD, or Seasonal Affective Disorder. Below is a link to an American Psychiatry Association article describing Seasonal Affective Disorder in more detail:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2738337/
I have always been a person who likes bright days and fresh air. I love enormous windows and sunlight. I do well during the spring through fall, but struggle during the winter. In the colder months, my farm looks brown, grey, and cold. It rains a lot, and the grass is dead. Nothing is vibrant or growing. I always feel sad during the winter. Last year, my partner, Tim, figured out that planting rye grass all around the house added a bright green color to the landscape, which helped. But even the rye grass dies in the depths of winter. Everything seemed gloomy and lifeless. I know logically that is not true. I am rarely sad or depressed for any serious length of time; but I felt like this had been going on for too long. We all have a bad day or two. Maybe even a few days. But when it goes on for over two weeks, or stretches into a month of not feeling well, it becomes more worrisome.
I struggled last winter for many reasons. First, I felt I had failed at my fasting, and I had been craving sugar. I wanted to garden, but it was too wet to do anything for over a month. I felt frustrated because I didn’t have enough time to do all that I want to accomplish, both personally and professionally.
After a series of upsetting world events, I became concerned about the future. Many sick patients came to the clinic, and I frequently felt at a loss about how to help fix everyone. One of my daily joys is journaling, but I was so busy I could not write. I did not see my adult kids for several weeks, and family is so important to me. Besides the cold and dreary winter, these thoughts and personal challenges caused me to feel somewhat sad and emotionally down.
I finally admitted to my clinic staff I was having issues. There are actually a few of us in the office who struggled similarly this past winter. It has helped to know I am not the only one.
After I realized that there was a problem, what did I do? One wintery weekend, I took action. I made myself do many activities I enjoy to help lift my mood. This list will be different for everyone. For me, the first thing I did was make my bed. I read a book that encouraged me to make my bed every day. There was a stretch of time this winter where I didn’t make my bed in the morning, which helped me realize I was struggling. Often, I give this book (link below) to friends because, as insignificant as it may seem, simply making my bed most days improved my mood and my outlook. It feels good to come home to a tidy bedroom at night.
The book that inspired me, a #1 New York Times best seller written by Admiral William H. McRaven (U.S. Navy Retired), is called Make Your Bed: And Little Things That Can Change Your Life and Maybe The World:
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Make+your+bed&ref=nb_sb_noss
I also worked to stay away from sugar. I rarely eat much sugar, but I craved it this winter when I was struggling emotionally. When we eat sugar, it can increase dopamine in the brain, making us feel better. We often eat unhealthy foods when we are depressed, especially sugar, because it can temporarily boost our mood while giving us a feeling of pleasure. However, the sugar crash and the unhealthy effects of sugar on our bodies are not worth the temporary feelings of enjoyment.
I also tried to incorporate more healthy fat in my diet. This can be brain boosting. It is especially important to eat omega-3 fats, like those found in fish. I take a fish oil supplement but got out of the habit during the winter. The type I use is Green Pastures Fermented Cod Liver Oil and Concentrated Butter Oil blend, and I am still taking it daily to increase my healthy fat intake. It is high quality, but pricey, and I have some less expensive options for sale in my clinic. The article below talks about the benefits of omega 3’s and our mental health.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2738337/
Another contributing factor to my low mood was the fact that I helped my dad every weekend for several weeks. My family responsibilities seriously restricted the time I had to recharge after a busy week working at the clinic. My father has since passed away, but before his death, he grappled with dementia, which is a hard illness to watch in anyone, but especially a parent. I think seeing someone we love struggle can cause us to be fearful about our own future and bring up concerns about how we will age. Taking care of someone can also take a toll on our own health and well-being. I talked to my siblings and let them know my frustrations. They helped to support me and talked to my dad about not being so hard on me for trying to help him. The support of friends and family has been invaluable.
Another thing to improve my mood was to plan date nights with my partner, Tim. We had movie night, which is not something we had done in ages. We set up the futon so that we could stretch out and I made popcorn. Popcorn is a complex carbohydrate and not something we often indulge in (I will delve into complex carbohydrates, wearing a Libre or blood sugar button, and show what popcorn does to blood glucose levels in another blog) but it was fun and we both love popcorn as a special occasion treat. I sprinkled on nutritional yeast, which adds B vitamins to our nutritional milieu. I have always called it cheesy yeast, have used it for years, and have taught Tim how to add it to popcorn. If you want to try it, I will put the link to the brand I use below!
I did other things to improve my mental state. First, I stayed away from the news! I bought seeds to plant in my garden next week so that I could soak up the sun and get some exercise while playing in the dirt. Additionally, I talked to my kids, and because I miss them so much, we planned some time together in March. Also, I scheduled herb conferences in May and June. I carved out some time and worked hard on the AgroshareMD website this weekend. I purged unwanted items to clean up my living space, and I spent some time outside. And I continued to get out in the sun every day that it was shining! Finally, I focused on gratitude and leaned on those around me, as I know many people have more struggles and challenges than I do.
Sometimes we must force ourselves to do the things that we know are good for us. It’s hard to pull ourselves out of sadness when it feels overwhelming. But we can change our thoughts. We are the only ones who can do so. We can talk to someone when we find it difficult to get motivated to move and do self-supporting activities.
I am not a psychologist, but I am a doctor. I am also a mother, a farmer, a business owner and entrepreneur, a spouse, a lifelong student, and a friend. I wrote this very personal glimpse into my struggles, hoping to remove some of the social stigma around mental health issues. Also, I wrote it because I think it is important to know that regardless of your background or profession or financial situation, everyone struggles sometimes, and you are not alone.
Whenever life’s events seem overwhelming, be sure to talk to someone and see your doctor if you cannot pull yourself out of your negative mental state. There is help. There are many possibilities to improve how you feel. Medications, counseling, volunteering, exercise and improved diet are just a few things that can be done. Talking to your family and friends can often be helpful. Always reach out and let others know you are not feeling so well.
I saw an improvement in my energy and general mental state quickly, after just one weekend during which I purposefully worked to recharge, but I was not one hundred percent myself again immediately. I continuously prioritized my health and well-being, both mental and physical, and plan to write more about what works for me (and what doesn’t).
It is important to remember that while I am a physician sharing my personal experiences, they are just that — my own experiences.
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